February 2008
2/16 Update
Ben had his 2-week appointment Monday. The weight goal is for babies to be back at their birth weight by 2 weeks. Well, Ben never lost any weight AND he’s put on 1lb 4oz! We figured he’d be higher in weight because he nurses so often and for so long each time but I had no idea he would have gained that much!! It took Elizabeth about six weeks to get that much higher than her birth weight.
Ben gets bright eyes and turns his head to look for Elizabeth when she talks. When the Brookovers brought Elizabeth to the hospital after he was born, he even did this! We figure she has been right at belly-height the entire time in womb, so with all the talking she does, he probably heard her voice more than anyone else’s!!
Elizabeth is very interested in all things diaper-related. She wants to be the one to get clean diapers. And she always wants to know what is inside the dirty diaper!
Elizabeth got her first “big girl” bike today. She was quickly outgrowing the tricycle. She’s doing pretty well with it. She hasn’t quite gotten the hang of stopping yet. And she forgets that trying to pedal backwards stops the bike. She & Jim went on three rides today. I have pictures but haven’t uploaded them yet.
I have added new pictures:
Feb 6
Settling In
Our Budding Photographer (pictures added to existing album)
Kailua Beach
Diamond Head Crater
Welcoming Ben (Long)
Saturday I woke up determined that labor was going to happen. I didn’t have a plan, really, but I had decided it was time. I had an appointment scheduled for Monday and I knew they’d start pushing for an induction or a scheduled repeat C/S. With the increased risks that induction brings, more so for a prior C/S, and the same for a repeat C/S, I was feeling the time pressure. I did NOT want to increase the risks of something happening to Ben or I, so I was determined to get things going before the appointment.
Physically, I was exhausted from a week of strong contractions. Each day I had at least two sets of 2-3 hours of contractions 5 minutes apart. One of those sets almost always in the night. Mentally, I was even more exhausted. Knowing I was “on the time clock” for an induction push/repeat C/S was hard. I feared what would happen if I relented to either and I could find no peace in either situation, just intense fear of the “what ifs”. While I wasn’t feeling especially “watched over” by family & friends, I knew everyone was anxious. And Jim & I were feeling eager to meet our son. As the days passed, I was having a harder time concentrating through the contractions and staying at peace with letting my body decide when it was ready.
We walked over to the PX in the morning for a few things. On the way back, I stopped at a garage sale. I ran into a lady I met a couple weeks back and we were talking about me being overdue. Several people told me their ideas for getting labor going. I came home with a half-dozen ideas that I hadn’t heard before. As it turns out, I didn’t need any of them! The contractions I had been experiencing all week were about to get regular.
After lunch I tried to take a nap. I was able to sleep a little but the contractions were really picking up. I was feeling it all in my back with just a little pain through my abdomen. I tried to distract myself by straightening up, cleaning the bathroom & making cinnamon rolls for the morning. I took a few showers and let the hottest hot water beat down on my back. During one of the showers, E got in with me. Getting through contractions while a 3.5yo is asking a gazillion questions isn’t so easy! ;-) I also tried relaxing in the tub for awhile but I couldn’t get comfortable. I labored in bed for awhile, using the positions and techniques I learned from Bradley & Hypnobirthing.
Contractions continued 7-10 minutes apart until close to dinner when they picked up to 5-7 minutes. I put in a call to our doula so she could be on alert. Most of the contractions were easy to get through but I had to have Jim pressing on my lower back for several. After dinner, we finished getting my bags together and loading the car. By that time, contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and 1-2 minutes in duration. About 7pm, we called our doula again and said our goodbyes to Elizabeth & Jim’s parents. Elizabeth’s anxiety was growing as we were finishing preparations and she melted down as we were about to leave. Jim’s parents promised a bike ride, which helped her to calm down. 
After we got into the car, I realized I hadn’t had much to eat. I knew that if labor lasted much longer, I’d be awfully hungry by the time I was ready to push. So we stopped at the shopette to grab a snack and a drink. While we were checking out, the cashier asked me when I was due. Right on cue, I had a major contraction and yelled “back”. Jim quickly dropped his wallet and pushed on my back. The cashier got really flustered and had problems ringing up my purchase. That gave me a good laugh.
On the way to the hospital, I commented that I hoped he waited until after midnight to arrive as I liked the 27th better than the 26th for a birthday. Looking back, I think I may have cursed myself! We arrived at the hospital and made our way into Labor & Delivery. They hooked me up to a monitor to see how my contractions were doing. Tammy, our doula, arrived while they were doing the initial monitoring. They also checked to see how far dilated I was. I was disappointed to hear I was only 1cm along. The machine wasn’t picking up my contractions, though it was quite visible I was in a lot of pain! They suggested I walk for a couple hours and then come back for another check. So we headed out to walk. With all the back labor I was experiencing, Jim’s arms were growing quite tired from applying the counter-pressure. Tammy had a TENS unit machine which is a battery-powered muscle stimulator and she suggested I try it. I had to set it fairly high to get any relief but, oh my, was it wonderful!! It didn’t alleviate the pain but it really helped. Jim got a laugh every time I increased the strength on it as it made me jump/flinch.
After walking for two hours around a deserted hospital, we headed back to L&D. Again, the machine wasn’t picking up my obvious contractions. And I had only progressed to 2cm. They sent us back home to rest with some medication to take the edge off enough that I may rest and a half-dozen heat packs. I was feeling really defeated–how could I not be further along when my contractions were that intense and that close together? Tammy and I had a long talk about my body, about what the next hours should bring and about our options if things didn’t progress much in the next 24 hours. I really needed her to talk me through the various options because my anxiety was rising. (Her ability to talk me through my options throughout the night would prove to be invaluable to me. As much as I knew going into it, when the back labor started, my knowledge seemed to drain away. Her knowledge empowered me.) I still felt defeated but I was glad to have a plan.
We got home and settled into bed. After using a couple of the heat packs, the medicine gave me a brief respite. I slept for about an hour, waking up about midnight. My water broke and, with it, a gush of blood. So we got dressed again and headed back. The back pain was too much for me to sit in the front comfortably again, so I laid down in the back seat with my pillows instead. I was having a tough time getting through the contractions and the drive to the hospital seemed to last forever. I called Tammy on the way, so she could meet us back.
We parked and made our way back to L&D. It took quite awhile as I had to stop several times. They got me hooked up again and found out that I was 5cm already–3cm in just a couple hours! I was relieved to hear that. Knowing I had made it that far gave me more confidence that I *could* VBAC successfully. There were several nurses in the room with the machines, getting me admitted, etc. which made it difficult for Jim to help relieve the pain. The doctor came in and went over the VBAC release form and then signed off to admitting me.
We got moved into our room and started settling in. We were put into the largest birthing suite. At this point, I was so tired that I wasn’t confident I’d have the energy to continue the labor and delivery. The back labor pain was too intense for me to rest during it, so I had no hope of regaining energy that way. We had really hoped to avoid drugs but, at that point, I really believed I would end up agreeing to a repeat C/S if I didn’t get some help. So I asked Tammy to review with me my options and we settled on an epidural. The next hour or so are mostly a blur to me. I was “checking out” of my body between the pain and the exhaustion. I know I got the epidural in that hour but I don’t recall much. I remember them trying to get me sitting upright and I remember crying at the thought of Jim not being able to help me through the next contraction while they put the epidural in. Jim says I didn’t even flinch when they put it in but I have no memory. And I remember them getting concerned about Ben’s heartrate through my contractions and putting me on oxygen. I remember Tammy asking questions about that and alerting them to the fact that this was how things started going downhill with Elizabeth’s birth. I was thankful that she remembered that detail and told them. It really unsettled me when they put the oxygen mask on me–the memories of E’s birth started flooding back. And I remember fighting about the mask–I felt like I was suffocating. The nurse & nursing student kept trying to put a gown on me and I remember fighting with them about it. I had a sports bra on. I didn’t want anything else touching my torso. And I REALLY didn’t want them putting it on me at that time. I have a feeling I was a little less than nice at the point that they finally relented.
The next thing I remember is waking up, seeing Jim asleep in the chair next to me and Tammy asleep in the chairs in front of me. And feeling sweet relief that my back was no longer hurting. I was still tired but the nap had done me well. It was about 5am. The next couple hours are again a blur. At one point, the back labor was even more intense than it had been before the epidural, so I got a booster. I know I slept a little more but I don’t remember what else I did. When the shift change came, I was relieved to have a new nurse. The first nurse and her student nurse were nice enough but they annoyed me with the gown fight. The new nurse, Candace, was amazing. She was so sweet and calming and reassuring.
Sometime between waking and 8am, I had another cervical check and found out I was 10cm. I was overcome with relief. I knew I wasn’t clear as I still had to get through the pushing but I was so pleased that I had made it to fully dilated. I burst into happy tears that I was going to get the chance to birth my son the way my body was made to do it. I knew then that I had made the right decision about the epidural–had I not gotten it and the physical relief it gave me, I really don’t believe I would have had the perseverance to get through it. All the prepartion I had done couldn’t prepare me for the intensity I had. (Tammy later said that she’s never had a client turn up the TENS unit as high as I had it and still have the pain I was experiencing with it. Her military-tough husband uses the TENS unit and has never turned it up that high b/c the stimulation level was too much.)
About 8:30, we started talking about getting ready to deliver. I was feeling some urge to push but, because of the epidural, I wasn’t feeling full pressure. So Candace & Tammy went over pushing with me and helped me find a way to really feel it so I could push effectively. I tried a couple positions before I could find one that was effective. By that time, the epidural was wearing off even more, so I was feeling my body pushing. I started making some progress and the top of Ben’s head started appearing. You couldn’t wipe the smile off of Jim’s face. I got pretty far and then I was told to stop pushing so the doctor could get in there. I was NOT amused. It was burning but it was more than that…to get that close and be told to hold on was tough emotionally. I had come so far and so close to meeting my son, I couldn’t believe I was being told to stop. I remember letting out a roar/scream and begging to keep going. In less time than it seemed, the doctors were in there and I was doing the last of the pushes. They announced his head coming out and I expected to still have to push the rest of his body out. To my surprise, he came out with just that one final push at 9:47 am. What joy!
Just before the doctors came in, Candace noticed that I was leaking meconium. Ben had just passed it. That meant that they would have to take Ben away immediately rather than placing him on my tummy. So off he went with Jim following quickly. Thankfully, he had aspirated just a bit of it. The pediatricians had been called and, after a quick check, cleared him as okay. Jim brought him over to me and we cuddled. I held him for about 20 minutes and tried to nurse him. He wasn’t much interested, so I held him skin-to-skin and we loved on him. They took him to finish cleaning up while the doctors finished stitching me up (I had a few 2nd degree tears). At one point in all of this, Mom called to see how things were going and I got to announce to her that her grandson was born. My family seems to have the timing down right. Angie called shortly after I woke up from my C/S with Elizabeth to find out how labor was going, so I got to announce it to her. And now this time too!
Slowly the room emptied out. Jim was sent down to admissions and it was just Benjamin, Tammy, Candace & I. Candace left and then I convinced Tammy it was okay to leave before Jim got back (she had gotten a call that another client was unexpectedly in labor). I sat in the room nursing Ben, content in the amazement of what had just happened. After Jim returned, we loaded up and transferred down to recovery.
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Looking back, I’m not sure if there is anything I would have changed. I had stuffed my head with knowledge, practiced pain relief measures until I could do them in my sleep and so on. So my epidural didn’t come from a lack of preparation. We didn’t want to end up there but, more important to us was not ending up back in the operation rooms. If I ended up back there this time, I knew that no hospital would let me attempt a VBAC after 2 C/S. So this was my last shot in giving birth the way God made my body to do it. I HAD to successfully VBAC. Had I known Ben would, like his older sister, go from perfect position to sunny-side-up in the last days before birth, I would have tried more to get him right. I had done so much to get him from breech & side-lying to head down and kept that up. And did some techniques to make sure he was 100% ready to go. Evidently, I either didn’t do enough or he flipped in spite of what I did.
In the end, I’ve made peace with his birth. It took me so long to make peace with the events around E’s birth. Ben’s birth completed that process. Every feeling of turmoil left from E’s birth gave me the power I needed to birth Ben. My body has borne two beautiful children. E came into this world dramatically and has lived each day dramatically. Ben came into this world peaceful and strong. So far, he’s lived each of his days peacefully and full of strength.