We’re back from a wonderful trip to Indiana (I’ll try to post pictures & write about it in the next few days).  We actually got back a bit ago but its taken me awhile to get back into the swing of things.  Jim went back to work the end of last week.

Ben is full-steam into crawling and moving onto cruising the furniture.  Jim has him on the deadline to walk before he deploys.  I’ve laughed at Jim with the crawling.  He was so anxious for Ben to start since he was deployed when E did.  Now I think he’s regretting that! LOL  It doesn’t help that, with the layout of this place, its harder to do some babyproofing.  In our place when he was a babe, the living room & kitchen were completely separate, so it was easy to keep her out of the kitty food & water.  Plus we spent most of our time upstairs in her room (the computer was in her closet & there was a TV in her room).  And it was obviously totally safe for her.  And she had no big sister to chase after!!

Elizabeth is doing okay.  Turns 4 next week.  I don’t even know how that is possible!  She’s developed a lot of fears & separation anxiety.  We’re muddling through it but not well.  I expect it will only intensify when she finds out about the deployment and it actually happens.  *sigh*  I got the name of a good child psych if we need it.  They’ve recently hired a few new ones because of the demand with the upcoming deployment.  *double sigh*

I did the kids’ bathroom and it looks cute!  I need to take pictures.  I haven’t done the bedrooms yet.  I need to find a couple picture frames still.  I’m planning to do them one day while Jim is at work.

I’m getting closer to having everything picked out for the kids’ rooms.  I realize now that I should have done all the shopping before he left instead of waiting until he was already gone–too many choices + shipping means I’m not going to get it done in time.  So I’m going to save it all and do it one day when he is at work.

I decided to scrap the border idea for E’s room.  The ones I picked weren’t the wall-cling type, so I’d have to worry about how it would come down, etc.  So I ordered two rolls of wall cling border–light pink & lavender.  Depending on how far that will actually cover, I’m going to do two stripes near the middle on at least two walls.  Plus I have the cork board I already ordered. I’ve been looking at lots of art prints and I think I’ve decided on this one.

Now I’m trying to decide between these two lamp shades.  Preference?

Now to Ben’s room.  I found this wall cling border, so I’m ordering it.

I can’t decide between these two lampshades. The coloring is a bit off in each of them compared to the border. I could stick with a white lampshade (I have that). Or a solid color one to match the border. But these shades are cute!

I’m going to attempt to find locally (eBay if not, I already have a seller in mind) some raffia grass skirt material that I can use for a valance in each bedroom plus over the top of the mirror in the bathroom.

Ben had a well-baby appointment today. He’s up to 10lbs even (almost 2.5 pounds over his birthweight). And he’s grown an inch. At four weeks, Elizabeth was just barely a pound over her birthweight. Nursing issues continue but we’re sludging through them. Two bouts of thrush, blanched nipples, high palete (makes it hard to get a good latch), improper suck technique, blah, blah, blah. I haven’t had cracked nipples in two weeks now (woooohooo!) and I haven’t had “I absolutely can’t do this another second” thoughts for exactly three weeks. Pain is still there but its getting much better. The suck training has made a big difference. Despite all the nursing challenges, he’s obviously getting enough milk!!  We are on week 3 of a diaper rash.  It had some yeast in the beginning but I *think* that part is cleared up.  I’ve tried so many things but I can’t get the rest cleared up.  No bleeding or puss, thankfully, just really raw looking now.  Unlike Elizabeth, he really favors just me to soothe him. Elizabeth would really take to anyone but Ben really prefers me (Jim will do in a pinch). Luckily, he’s a very laid back baby. I always knew Elizabeth was a high-needs baby but I had no idea just how high-needs until Ben came along. Wow! If I could have a household of babies like Ben, I WOULD have a household full of children!!

Elizabeth is absolutely in love with him. She wants to hold him constantly. We’ve started putting him in his crib for naps and she does NOT like him being that far away. Several times I have found her playing outside his doorway. She is adjusting well. By 3:30ish, she starts to breakdown when he’s nursing but EVERYTHING is meltdown-worthy to a 3yo at that time of the day. By the time Jim gets home from work, we are ready for his homecoming!! She got a new bike last weekend and she looks much too old on it. *sigh*

My mom came out last Thursday. She’s in love with her newest grandchild, of course. And she’s absolutely exhausted by Elizabeth!!

My body is healing from birth. I’m still much more sore than I thought I would be. I had no idea how sore I would feel!! Still, I feel such joy that I was actually able to push my baby out. It has gone a long way to helping me heal from the trauma surrounding Elizabeth’s birth.

We got Jim’s training schedule for the rest of the year. Seeing the dates makes me ill. With his first deployment, I handled the preparations well. The only part that was really rough was the paperwork where we had to plan his funeral. But now I know what a deployment is really like. And with his position now, the realities are so much more intense. Looking at the calendar makes me want to vomit. War sucks.

Gary passed away this morning. Around 8:45. My mom stopped by the hospital this morning and he was sitting up in his chair, talking and feeling somewhat comfortable. Mom left to go to work and the nurse stepped out of the room for a couple minutes. When she came back in, he was gone. It was very unexpected.

When my aunt called to tell me the news, Mom was in the room with Gary and their pastor. About a dozen friends & family members were at the hospital with more on the way. We are so blessed to have so many friends & family members who care so deeply for the family.

My sister is already with my mom and I’m starting up there this afternoon.

Things change in the blink of an eye. After the news on my step-dad, he started feeling bad shortly after that appointment.  Two weeks after the one that pronounced him seemingly free of cancer, he had another scan.  The chemo has stopped working.  He’ll start a new one on Monday but this one has a good chance of some serious side effects.  And only a 20% chance of helping him.

And so we’re probably looking at burying him before the end of the year. Their anniversary is in October and I really hope he can make it until then.

About 97% of pancreatic cancer patients are gone within 6 months and Gary is at almost seven months post-diagnosis. So he’s beaten the odds but I don’t think he can do it this time. Even if he does, over 99% are dead within five years.

He has a tendency to make me a bit crazy but he adores my mom with all his heart. He has a wonderful sense of family. And of living a simple life. He has a heart for God and truly a “Daniel” kind of man if anyone has done the Daniel study by beth Moore).

I don’t want my mommy to be a widow so young.

And so, today and each day, I’m thankful for family. And for each day my family is alive.

I could really stand to see my husband tonight.  Feeling awfully lonely.  If anyone is on IM tonight, I’d love a little company. AOL: tldb6  Yahoo: happygrl6 MSN: happygrl6@yahoo.com ICQ: 64206453