Life’s a Dance

My baby girl,

As I put you to bed tonight, I couldn’t help but think that this may be the last night I do so as a mother to just you.  A whirl of emotions, for sure.  For 2000 nights, I’ve been the one to put you to bed.  And to parent you back to sleep throughout the night.  Many nights I’ve dreaded it.  But every night I can stare at your sleeping body and be amazed that I am your mama.

I say that I worry about how you will adjust to your new brother.  And that is true.  You are such a nurturer, I know you will love him.  Things will change though.  Truthfully, I really worry how I will adjust to you having a new sibling.  I know that I won’t be able to do for you all the things I can do now.  And that makes me sad for you.  And for me.  You have changed me to the core.

You & I have gone through a lot.  So many nights I worried that we wouldn’t make it through until Daddy came home from Iraq.  Or that we wouldn’t make if he didn’t come home at all.  Similar feelings while he was away at school.  And many days even when he was home!!  I imagine our “clashes” will continue…we’re too much alike. :)  But a team we’ve been.  In your littlest form, you taught me a peace I hadn’t known.  And forced me to find strength that I had forgotten was there.  And helped me to find more smiles & laughter than I ever thought possible.  I’ve been forced to learn to handle myself better.  If I do it or say it, I know there’s a good chance it’ll be coming back to me!!

Soon we’ll be adding another person to our team.  I look forward to seeing how he fits into our family.  All the things you’ll teach him.  How Daddy will be with a son.  How I will mother a son.  You will be an amazing sister, of that I’m confident.

Please don’t fear that you’ll be replaced or displaced.  You’re my first born and that can never be changed.

Sleep tight, my baby girl.  Mama loves you.