Encounters in the South
People in the South like to talk. To anyone. About anything. They help elderly & pregnant women to their cars. They carry packages. Open doors. Small talk while in lines. I find comfort in this. Not to the same extent but this is what I’d generally encounter in the Midwest. Out in Washington, it was a totally different story. People very rarely talked to strangers, let alone help a stranger in some way. It was one thing I really disliked about the area. I’m not one to want long talks with strangers but a small greeting or such, I do like.
But with all that comes the conversations that make me nuts. Generally about some aspect of parenting about which I don’t agree. Rarely the conversations are “the only RIGHT way to do X is by doing Y” but more like “I handled X by doing Y”. I like those. If I don’t agree, it gives me time to examine my feelings. If I do, its one more tool for my parenting “tool box”.
And so comes a conversation from a few weeks ago (yes, old news now but I’ve been meaning to blog about it). E is rear-facing in her car seat. I often get questions about it and I’m able to spread some education about it. I tell people that the AAP recommends kids stay rear-facing up to the maximum weight/height for their seat. That CPSafety (a non-profit child safety organization) recommends the same. That toddlers are 60% less likely to be seriously injured in a crash if they remain rear-facing beyond the 1yr/20lbs minimum. The MSNBC article from 2005. And so on. Most people thank me for the information, ask where they can read more, etc. I’ve had follow-ups with a few of them over the phone, thanking me again for the info. Some people look at me like I’m weird but say nothing. When we were still in Washington, one parent told me “Oh. I won’t be doing that, though, because I think little toddlers look SOOOOOOO cute forward facing.” How in the world do you even respond to that?? I can think of quite a few reasons to forward-face a young toddler before they have to be turned that way but cuteness is NOT on the list!!!
Anyway, a few weeks ago, a middle-aged lady approached me in the grocery store parking lot. She let me explain my reasonings and then started yelling at me that no 2.5 year old should be rear-facing no matter how much safer it is. That it isn’t “fair” to the child. That other kids her age will make fun of her. That she will not learn to be a “real” toddler until she’s forward facing because she knows that only babies should be rear facing. And on and on. And on. Yelling the entire time. I was trying to load up my car quickly so I could escape from this wacko. I expected E to be frightened, but she was too caught up in eating her broccoli. LOL I tried to refute her but she was just going on and on. Partially, I was quite amused by her reasoning.
1) While I do aim to treat E in a fair way, it just doesn’t always happen.
2) Most of the other kids she knows her age are also RF. And none of them are yet making fun of each other.
3) She doesn’t think RF is only for babies. She’s still RF, so why would she think otherwise.
4) She is every bit a “real” toddler. Spend three hours with us and you’ll know that!!
In the end, though, I really want to know why she had such a visceral reaction. She didn’t have young children, so I can’t see that it would have been a defensive reaction if she felt I thought she was a bad parent for doing otherwise. She didn’t seem old enough to have grandchildren for the same reaction. I made no judgments, only gave the facts. I wasn’t the one to approach her, she approached me. It was just a weird encounter. One of several. I seem to attract the weirdos. Maybe I’ll blog about some of the other weird ones.
You know there was a time when buckling ANY child was considered just strange! i NEVER buckled up when i was a kid. In fact, my *seat* in the car was on the mattress between the middle and rear facing back seat in the station wagon. Times change, rules change, and some people have a real hard time with it. We turned our kids around at about a year, but i think the regulations then were 20 lbs. Something like that. Never really thought about how safe it was to keep them rear facing, in fact when we brought them home from the hospital, they were forward facing because we owned a 2 door grand am and we couldn’t FIT them RF. lol You do what you know to be right and don’t worry about the loonies out there. There are plenty of them! How would E know the difference if you’ve always done it this way??? LOL People are strange!!!
This is one of my biggest issues too. I wish people would be a bit brighter about it. Liam is really still small enough to be rear facing anyways……
OK — if Elizabeth was in grade school and she was still in a rear facing seat I could see other kids making fun of her but really — I sincerely doubt any kids are making fun of her now. I am not sure if you said anything to that interfering old biddy but I know I would have had to put my kid in the car, close the door and then let her have it. Just keep doing what you are doing with your daughter. You are a great mom.
Man, oh man! I think this woman just had it out for EVERYONE when she went off on you, and unfortunately, you happened to be in harm’s way!!
A safe, living toddler facing the rear is MUCH cuter than a toddler who’s been thrown forward out of the car…all in the sake of LOOKING CUTE!!?? Come on!!
I’m glad you didn’t let this woman shake you, or change what you’re doing. E is lucky to have you for a mommy!