Keeping her safe
Posted by happygrl6
Since long before I ever thought about getting pregnant, I’ve dreaded how to discuss sexual abuse and all that surrounds it. With my own history, I know that I am hypersensitive to it. I didn’t know what I’d want to say to my future children but I knew I wanted to empower them to have a voice. And to know what crossed their boundaries.
And tonight it began. DD is in a phase where she wants me to kiss all of her hurts (most of which are pretend! LOL). The game was going on tonight and after kissing probably a dozen hurts (see, pretend!!), she asked me to kiss her “boo” (what my sister calls my niece’s bottom & E picked up on it). I know it means nothing in terms of “should I worry that someone has hurt her” because a) this is a big game to her these days and b) she’s never alone with another adult. So it wasn’t that. And yet I felt like I had been kicked in my stomach. I told her that no one is to kiss her there as that is her body boundary. And that she shouldn’t kiss anyone there either. I hugged her and then she was off to play with something else.
All the while I felt a tremendous need to throw up as the memories of being a tiny girl and being forced to do just that came flooding back. I don’t know how to protect her. I don’t know how to ensure she has a voice. I don’t know how to ensure she knows what is okay and what isn’t. I don’t know how to make sure she doesn’t have to carry the same baggage into her marriage. And that sucks.
you say you don’t know how, but you did great! It’s started and you handled it perfectly! i was molested by my brother and when we had our first family reunion back in 1998, the boys were 7, N was 5, i had to explain to them that they were NOT to be in the same room with him alone. i told them why, cuz he had touch and hurt me in places that are private. They understood, never asked any more about it, but they understood. You are doing great Trish. Keep talking about it to her when she asks, or when you see something that just doesn’t sit right with you. *hugs*
Personally I have no idea what you are going through but I agree with Jen that you handled it just fine. At E’s age you don’t want to scare her but it is important to let them know that there are things that are private and should remain that way. Just keep talking and answering questions as honestly as possible.