Life’s a Dance

Jim checked into school yesterday but they don’t have to come back until tomorrow night (holiday weekend). Having a couple extra days is wonderful but we’re both also ready for him to just start already!! This living in limbo is leaving us both almost drained.

My babe isn’t handling this all too well. We’ve talked about him leaving in front of her and to her. But she has such limited understanding both because of her age and because of her receptive-language delay. She starts crying heartbroken tears and then has frequent meltdowns for a couple hours, so we’ve not talked about Daddy leaving *too* much. We’re not sure how much she understands but we can tell she definitely senses SOMETHING big is about to happen. I’m so heart-sad for her. While she’s much more dependant on me than DH, she is definitely in love with her daddy.

Everything happening at once hasn’t helped matters. The move, being apart from DH for those few days, being in different places several nights in a row, having to sleep on the floor (the movers broke her bed but we at least have her mattress now), the running around we’ve had to do…its all piling up on her. Her meltdowns are more frequent. She’s reaching out for control over anything she can. She’s been more clingy. I’ve had more patience than I thought I would but I’m definitely reaching my limit, esp. when my own sleep has been more difficult lately. I usually handle her not sleeping through the night pretty well (lots of practice!!) but not lately.

Rumor has it that they’ve laxed things up quite a bit and they guys are getting frequent breaks during school now. It will be wonderful, if true, to see him more often than we originally expected but I’m not sure if it will make it harder on E. When we were back in WA, he’d come home between PT & work and then again for lunch. Sometimes it was SO tough dealing with her when he left b/c her little heart was so sad. It makes me worry about these breaks. I wouldn’t trade those times he was home as it really gave the two of them much-needed time to connect and the same will go for this coming year. Still, some days I’d wish that he wouldn’t come home so I didn’t have to deal with the aftermath and I’m sure the same will go for this next year.

I’ve done some searching and found a couple churches I want to check out. I know I need to get involved and get involved soon or I won’t do it. I’m also planning to go to PWOC on post this week. We’ve had so much going on these past two weeks but I don’t want to wait any longer or, like church, I don’t think I’ll end up getting involved until the next session (January) and I can’t wait that long to get a consistent time when I know I’ll have adult conversation! LOL Regular adult conversation and God are gonna’ be the keys to surviving!! I e-mailed the LLL leader for the area and they actually have a meeting this week and its very closeby, so that will be nice. Hopefully I can find out about any local playgroups while I’m there.

I certainly don’t WANT Jim to leave but I’m ready for it to happen. We need to find our groove and find some stability.

I hear my babe waking…