Life’s a Dance

More and more often, I'm realizing how my little girl isn't a babe any longer.  We had PWOC today, so I took her to the daycare room.  When we walked in, she looked for her favorite teacher.  Amy wasn't there and I got concerned as E usually has a hard time with the intiial separation from me (she is fine within seconds, literally) if Amy isn't there.  But two other regular teachers were there and she waved to them when we came in.  I got her set up and kneeled down to start the transition.  I was prepared for her to want to nurse and/or some tears.  Sheila was playing with the toy dog (she knew it was E's favorite toy last week) and asked E if she wanted to help her and the dog find the balls (also favorites of DD).  Then my DD hopped out of my arms, went with Sheila and waved bye to me.  It was the very first time she seemed almost *happy* to see me leave.  I stopped to talk to the coordinator and burst into tears.  It was such a wonderful feeling to know she was secure enough to be okay with me leaving but, even when she hasn't cried, the initial transition has always been a tough one for both of us.  The coordinator hugged me and then assurred me that it never got easier, just that the issues became more bittersweet.  Great. LOL  

When I came to pick her up, she was SO excited to see me.  She started waving both her hands and jumping.  I hugged her and then she ran over to get her coat and bag while I signed her out.  As we left and walked ot the car, she was walking beside me, holding my finger, other hand stuck in the pocket of her skirt (she's just discovered pockets) and looking like a little girl.  *snif, snif*

This road is such a bittersweet one to travel.  I miss the little babe who would cuddle into my arms all day, the little babe who was totally dependent on me.  And I know that no matter how many other children we have, it won't be the same in that totally new feeling of everything (new for that babe, yes, but in a different sort of way).  I feel like I've really made the most of her days but I feel like, at the end of the day, I didn't get near enough.  And yet I can't wait for the new day to see what she'll do.